so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
