My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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