my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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