i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
