Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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