Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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