Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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