It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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