Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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