i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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