I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
