Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
