I cannot find my penis.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
