Cold hands, warm shart.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
