my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
