8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All the doctor said was why
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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