Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
