its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
