Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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