I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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