You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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