finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
