The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
