i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
