I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
as a side note pls kill me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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