i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
