can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
