Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
