Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
