i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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