Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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