if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My vagina is officially offended.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
