Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
