Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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