I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
