ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
