I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
