I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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