Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
