So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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