Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
