he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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