I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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