I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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