You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
