omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
