I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
