I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
