Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
