We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
