I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize