covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
