So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
