Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
