Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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