Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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