Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
