My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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