idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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