There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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