Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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