Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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